reflections on how childhood trauma can stay with us & how we can heal it - part 1

Trauma from childhood, also known as developmental trauma, is a particularly challenging form of trauma to heal from. Because so much of our understanding of the world and our templates for relationship are laid down at this time, the imprints we received can stay with us in our bodies and tissues, in our minds, in our emotions and in our perspectives; until our system is ready to resolve them.

I have personal, first-hand experience with the insidious nature of childhood trauma. I have seen how my young mind and body was frozen in time at particular moments in it's development, and when a trigger is encountered as an adult, that same mental outlook and accompanying bodily state can take over and cause difficulty in seeing the present circumstances from the adult mind.

This experience of an old mental outlook coming to the forefront is a great example of the effects of an "arousal spike frozen in time" which is basically another name for trauma (term coined by Diane Poole Heller). There is a heightened nervous system state that doesn't get resolved in the moment of the trauma; instead the body freezes it, because it was too much to actually process then. This is why when we've experienced trauma, we can encounter unprocessed fight, flight or freeze in our systems, confusion, immobilizing terror or memories of the trauma coming back so strong that it's as if they are happening in the present moment. The experience was actually frozen in time, and a part of us stayed there with it.

I want to say a bit more about how outlooks and mental perspectives caused by childhood trauma can weave into our lives as adults. In my experience, for example, I have noticed how disempowered states can touch the younger self within me and bring up alarm and dysregulating affect. Certain elements of past experience can get brushed up against and this constitutes some level of a trigger.

This can show up in different ways for different people, with different triggers and somatic presentations unique to each individual. Essentially though, dysregulation is some sort of lack of rhythm in the system; anxiety, irregular breathing or being mentally flustered are a few examples. More intense presentations can appear as what was mentioned above, with feeling like the trauma is happening all over again in the present, or having flashbacks.

But beyond that, there is a deep woundedness that can be felt in the experience: the wound is speaking through a present circumstance. It cries out to be felt and healed in the present, but it's source is in the past.

A big part of my own trauma history caused me to feel disempowered about making good decisions for myself and having resulting emotional distress around fearing making the "wrong" choice or somehow "being wrong" at the very core of my being (also known as shame). In the past I have felt self-doubt and disempowerment and I can't say enough about how debilitating it was at times. When it came up, it felt all encompassing, and as if I was unable to move forward in my life. This is an example of traumatic flooding, where the system is "flooded" with emotions, thoughts and somatic experiences; essentially overwhelm in the system, to the point where it impairs a person's regular functioning.

When I have given presence to these kinds of experiences and worked through it with somatic therapeutic tools on my own and with support, I have come to recognize just how much that experience echoes my childhood trauma history, and how that somatic sequence of disempowerment which happens in my body is actually the same pattern from my childhood playing out in my adulthood. As I said, it cries out to be healed in the present, but it's source is in the past. It weaves into the present experience often because it's coming up for resolution.

To be a child and to face a feeling of utter helplessness repeatedly is something which gets etched into a deep part of the psyche and bodily tissues, and unless resolved, it continues to inform our life experience.

In my experience, the only way out is through.

Learning to give space to these experiences as they come through our adult nervous systems, minds and emotions, is a skill that is unmatched in terms of healing. The tools Somatic Therapy provides are very unique in this realm. Ultimately, healing childhood trauma or past trauma is about integrating the experiences and associated emotions, perspectives and bodily states into one's strong present self. This is why we spend a lot of time supporting and bolstering the strength of the adult client who has childhood wounding. We create a strong, big enough container for holding it all, and grow the capacity for tolerating the dysregulation of traumatic activation, so that in time, we're able to hold and integrate all the pieces.

The main tool that I call upon in moments of traumatic activation is working on the sensory motor level. This is a contribution to Somatic Therapy which comes from Pat Ogden among others. Daniel Siegel is well known for calling this process "name it to tame it". This tool enables us to slow down and describe what we're noticing in our sensory motor system - namely our senses, and our physical (somatic) experience both internally and externally.

We name what's happening, in order to tame it. With this practice, it's been proven that the fear centers of our brain actually disengage and we're able to perceive more options in our experience. It widens our perception, which is so useful because when we're triggered, our perspective narrows.

So, when I'm going through a traumatic activation, I muster up all of my strength and begin verbally describing what my emotional experience is feeling like in my body.

This practice calms me down and I am able to become curious about what's happening. Naming it to tame it really works!

Usually it's at that point where I'm able to recognize that a younger self and a younger part of my mind is present, and then bringing my adult self back on board is much more accessible.

Healing from trauma is often a long journey. It is very complex and nuanced. Even though I am a trained Relational Somatic Counsellor, I still face moments of challenge with my own trauma. And, I can see the blessing that is born from my experience.

I really get the depth of pain, confusion and varied mental and emotional states that come from childhood trauma or other trauma. I get the way our minds can feel scattered and twisted. I get how trauma survivors often rely on external regulation rather than being able to find regulation inside their own bodies.

All of this can be supported and healed with Somatic Therapy, and gradually in time we can build up strong supports around the wounded places, so that when they're ready to heal, they can do so within the strong container of our own bodies. But, often at first we need the support of another person within a relational field, which allows us to learn how to regulate ourselves and find ease within our own skin.

I get it, so very deeply... and it allows me to bring so much care to my time with clients. This is why I have released shame of speaking about my own trauma healing journey. Because it makes me an amazing Somatic Trauma Therapist!

So, the next time you're feeling activated about childhood trauma, or trauma in general, see if you can slow down enough to verbally describe even just 3 things you're noticing about your body experience.

Depending on where you're at, this may be a very simple and supportive exercise. You can even go on to describe more of your experience if you wish. Staying with the somatic experience and tracking what's happening in your body while verbally explaining it is an excellent tool for calming down. I will continue to write on this topic in the coming months and years. Wishing you so very well in your healing walk!

Warmly,

~ Alexandra